|
Only What You Have Can Help You and What You Have is Always Enough
By Joel S. Pate
Well, how was your weekend with your family? Did anyone say or do anything to offend you? Were you glad to see everyone? Did all of your words bring soothing relief or did your words bite at someone's real or imagined hurt?
Well?
Dealing with the holidays and family sometimes brings a mixture of blessings, fun, anxiety, laughter, and crying. It is just the way it is and nothing will ever change it.
We, individually, must understand that everyone is dealing with the same hurts, concerns, fears, uncertainty in their lives that causes real and many times imagined hurts, fears, slights, etc. in their life.
One might exasperatedly state: "Why don't they just act like I do?" "Why are they so crazy?"
Sure, it's easy to blame the other person. Sometimes it is deserved, but many times, it is not. Many times, we are acting out of our own fears and concerns as we transfer our feelings onto others.
This brings to mind the attitude that Dale Carnegie teaches in his writings. Paraphrasing his well articulated words: "just take the blame, imagine yourself in their shoes, give others the benefit of the doubt, over look their statements, if I had to live with their issues, how might I act, feel, believe, speak? What are they dealing with that causes them to have these positions, and above all, how can I help?"
I have to admit I think I have a great life. I have a wonderful wife, two wonderful daughters, and a great, great dog. They are wonderful. Many people that see me may say, "Boy, you've got it made." It's not that I try to put on this front, nor is it that my closest friends do not know some things about various situations that I have cried on their shoulders about in confidence." I believe that your perspective on life determines how you feel over all and that determines how others see you. I don't have a better life than many others, I just do my best to put fears, concerns, etc., into perspective and too see obstacles, sometimes, as not something to overcome, but to take as an opportunity for a detour.
Many of you don't know that in the year 2000, I filed personal bankruptcy. After nearly twenty years of building houses, I got caught in a down turn in the market and it took me out. I cried. I wondered what everyone would think of me. I didn't know what to do. Many sleepless nights were spent trying to figure out what went wrong, how stupid I was to have made this decision or that decision and boy did I make some bad decisions trying to make good decisions.
A friend and confidant told me something once that I want to convey to you: No one makes bad decisions on purpose. At the time the decision was made, using the knowledge that you had, you made the best decision that you could make. Even though it was the wrong decision, you didn't make it on purpose.
Those few words of wisdom, spoken at the right time, have calmed my anxiety many times over the years, and along with other tidbits of wisdom, allowed me the personal strength that I needed, at that very moment, to rise up on the inside and overcome the personal set backs that I faced, or should I say that faced me.
How you decide to deal with problems, how you think about those problems, and of course, the outside assistance that you receive in correcting your thinking from time to time about your problems, are the only assets we have to right ourselves when the winds of life have ripped our sails, grounded our boat, or sometimes destroyed it on the rocks of life.
As this holiday season begins, we in this industry are facing the greatest uncertainty in nearly 30 years. But, that's OK. It has to be. You can't do anything about many of the problems and to the extent you can maintain control or influence the outcome, you must.
The problems are so large, the resolutions so far away, change is the only thing that is sure. The outcome is known and certain:
1. People will buy houses and need mortgages.
2. People will need to refinance.
3. And the folks with the money will need to lend it out to make money on their money.
If you are not careful, you will ask yourself the wrong questions. You should not be asking: When the business will settle down? The correct question is: How will it settle out for me? How do I fit into this new world?
As with our dealings with our families, the perspective that we take, from our knowledge and experience base, from our friends that assist us with a kind and uplifting thought, the perspective in which you look at the business world around you, will be the only asset that you really have that will help you make your way.
I remember back during the end of my homebuilding days, I would come up short for payroll and spend hours thinking about the resolution. Every time, I had to stop myself from thinking about all of the things that I didn't have, that I should have done, in order to allow my mind to solve the problem. Each and every time, maybe its nature, maybe it's just my nature, I would find myself thinking of all the things that I didn't have, that I should have done, that were not right, that had caused this problem. I found that thinking about what I didn't have always brought the same answer: Silence, no resolution and ultimately, confusion.
It was only when I stopped myself, arrested my thought life, from the negative and turned my thoughts in the other direction did the answer come. I found that I had to concentrate, instead of on what I didn't have, but on what I did have. You have heard me say many times over the years: "Only what you have can help you."
As we go into the holiday season, as we begin to see our relatives, our crazy aunts, stepmother or divorced father situations, and of course as we bring our on concerns about our very livelihoods along with us and our fears and concerns for our future, let's go into it with the attitude that I want to be of assistance to someone, I want to help them with their fears, I want to provide comfort to them and do everything I can to make their path a little easier. Let's help them by giving from our heart what we have. Let's give them understanding; let's give them affirmation.
My present to you this holiday season is to tell you, that without a doubt, if you maintain the perspectives discussed in this article, if you make the hard decisions that many of us are having to make, and if you concentrate and make a list of "what you do have" instead of concentrating on what you don't have, you will emerge from these few weeks better prepared to ring in the new year and with a clear vision for your next move.
I want to leave you with this: As you know, this column began a couple of years ago and dealt with one-time close construction perm loans. I made a lot of money over the past few years in this market segment. But, along with the permanent mortgage business, it changed too and my income has gone to zero.
Instead of hoping that the market will come back, I have gathered up the only thing that I have, my knowledge and ability, and have launched a loss mitigation company that will help banks deal with the aftermath of the over lending that occurred in the construction arena. I have decided to take the only thing that can help me, what I have, and use it. With this perspective, I am not waiting on the market to "get back to normal." Instead, I am dealing with the market as is. I am accepting the next window of opportunity. And, I expect to make money as a result.
Please let me encourage you to spend the next few weeks making a list of what you have. What you are good at? What you know? Who you know? Take an assessment, and remember, ONLY WHAT YOU HAVE WILL HELP YOU AND IT IS ALWAYS ENOUGH.
Signing off for now as the CP Loan Expert.
Dedicated to your success.
Joel S. Pate
You can contact Joel through the following companies:
www.americanfamilyfunds.com
www.vadiumgroup.com
www.oxpublishing.com
www.thedailycommunicator.com
Joel S. Pate, a dedicated entrepreneur, has spent more than two decades in the building, mortgage, and real estate industries and has been involved in over $100 Million in construction loans and over $1.3 Billion of residential lending.
As the CP LOAN EXPERT columnist, Mr. Pate provides straightforward, unbiased advice about every aspect of construction permanent lending. If you ever wanted to unravel the mystery surrounding new construction lending, then you should tune in.
More stories by Joel S. Pate
| 
